Wow, it's gotten really difficult to get eBay to remove undeserved negative feedback.
After 2 days of calling, I finally talked to a supervisor (allegedly).
He basically told me to take those lemons and make lemonade.
I DON'T THINK SO!
I'm going to take a page out of the Cave Johnson playbook and make life RUE. THE. DAY. It gave me those lemons! >:(