Shake the Kingdom Grudge, Jackie!

Sony Screening: "The Grudge"

Okay, this is one creepy-ass little flick. It's from the same director as "The Ring" (aka "Ringu"), so it has some
similar motifs, like a long-black-haired ghost woman and the use of modern technology (cellphones and videotapes).
And much like "The Ring", this is a US remake using bits of the original Japanese movies.
Now, there's a whole brouhaha about how the originals are better, or worse, than this version. I won't get into that,
because taste is subjective, and because I'm sure that some bits in the originals are better and some bits in this
remake are better. So I'll just talk about this one on a stand-alone (Complex, narf!) basis.
This was produced by Sam Raimi and it has a lot of Raimi-style "booga-booga-in-yer-face" moments.
This also means that Ted Raimi has a bit part in it. Hi Ted!
The narrative is a little disconnected. Okay, it's A LOT disconnected. You don't get any helpful captions along the
lines of "Meanwhile" or "3 years later" or "1000 BC, April, 6am". Nope, you're left to fend for yourself.
And you know what? If you pay attention, you'll have no problem. I actually enjoyed the jumpy chronology!

In a nutshell, American family moves into Japanese house. House is PHUQUED UP and HAUNTED.
WEIRD shit appears: little kid making cat noises, malevolent black hair mass (creepy girl optional). People die.
American social worker goes to house to substitute for regular girl who didn't show up, gets the full treatment,
then decides to unravel what the hell is going on. She's strong-willed and plucky and stuff.
Anybody come into the house, they die! Not right away, and not all the same way. Variety is the spice of DEATH!
Oh, and people don't have to be IN the house to die, they can die ANYWHERE!! HOLY SH!T!!
Because of the wacky chronology, you have to pay attention and watch! If you don't pay attention, you will get lost.
The sound design is really good. The sound effects are really creepy and the surround sound is put to full use.
Come for the intense shocks, stay for the spooky soundscape.
This is rated PG-13, but only because there's not much blood or actual gore. It's pretty damn scary all the same!
Because, remember kids, the scariest stuff is not the stuff you see, it's the stuff you IMAGINE you see!
I wouldn't take my kid to see this. Unless he/she was already a horror freak and he/she was 13.
I think the US version of "The Ring" is scarier overall.



Sonyflix: Kingdom Hospital (The Entire Series)
Last week, my brother and I watched the first DVD (of 4), which contains episodes 1, 2, and 3.
It was kinda spooky, and pretty weird at first, what with the CGI anteater with the big nasty TEETH!
Pascal kept saying how much scarier the original Danish mini-series was, being shot in black and white and in a nearly
incomprehensible language (to non-Scandinavian folks anyway). By the end of Episode 3, we had lost interest.
I promptly returned this box-set to the library. It was a little too goofy, in a bad way, for my taste.
Heck, it looked like it was turning into an off-kilter "General Hospital"!!

The Medallion: an amusing Jackie Chan actioner with some good martial arts, and a slight similarity to the cartoon
series (no Uncle though, too bad). I could have done with a more restrained performance from the bumbling Interpol agent
(played by the guy who played Nathan Lane's brother in "Mouse Hunt"), but you know, it's a Jackie Chan movie, so you gotta
expect some of the performances to be straight out of old slapstick films. Still, it's a fun time.
Watching the deleted scenes, you get a glimpse of the less-cartoony, slightly more serious original Hong Kong version.
Any mentions of black market slavery was removed from the US version, for example. On the other hand, an extended and
painful performance by Bumbly Guy as a bad, fake Russian ship captain was also excised, which gladdens me.
If you have seen "Rumble In The Bronx", you oughta track down the original, "Red Bronx", and check it out.
The biggest omission in the US version is the second half of the wedding between "Uncle" and his large black beloved.
The first half of the wedding is black-american, with gospel singers. That's what you see in the US version.
In the second half of the wedding, the bride changes into traditional chinese garb and a chinese band performs
traditional music. So it's a real union of two cultures, which I thought was wonderful.
But that's not in the US version of the film. I'm not sure why...



In-N-Out Burger vanilla shake: the cure for heartburn?
Sure works for me!
I'm serious! I've had some nasty cases of heartburn for the past week or so (not from eating at In-N-Out).
Instead of Alka-Seltzer, I downed a vanilla shake about an hour before going to bed. Heartburn was gone!
And it sure as hell tasted better! Kinda pricey though...
So now you know...



"Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas" and "Ace Combat 5" are supposed to come out today. Argh!!
Ace Combat is the one I'm really jonesing for. I love me some high-G turns and hot missile-launching action!
And I've completely completed "Ace Combat 4", whereas I'm not done with "Vice City" yet.
I want "Ace Combat 5"! Waaaah!!
I think it's too much to hope for that this plane is in the game.