Der Kzinmotordrivenschaftwerk: Part Zwei

What's this? The Kaped Kzinti about to step into the wild and wooly Cadillac CTS-V for a potentially hairy ride?
Why yes! When we last left our hero, he was attending his local edition of Auto-Show In Motion, the General Motors circus.
Since I couldn't fit into the Corvette...
Well, I could fit in the 'Vette, I just couldn't do anything once inside, and I made an audible "POP!" upon exiting.
Since I couldn't drive the Corvette, I went for the other vehicle available in the Performance tent: the CTS-V.
The CTS-V has a Corvette engine, Corvette gearbox, and Corvette brakes. This was going to be FUN.
After standing in line for what seemed like forever (there was only one CTS-V versus 12 Corvettes), it was my turn to go.
As in the Corvette and the Hummer H2, an ASIM employee rode shotgun with me. This is probably a liability issue.
And also because these are "super" vehicles, with abilities far beyond those of mortal men, I mean normal cars.
My passenger was named Tina and she was from Montréal, Québec. So we spoke French to each other.
She gave me a few tips and I promptly stalled the car. It's REALLY touchy!
I restarted it, inched toward the starting line, and stalled again.
Grrrrrrrrrrrrr...
I rerestarted it and moved to the starting line.
When Tina gave me the signal, I punched it.
Whooooooooooooooooooooooooo doggie!
Then I shifted to 2nd gear.
Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehah!!!
Then I had to slow down, negotiate a few turns, still in second gear, then I was back at the staging area.
Awwwwwwwwww...
I chatted a little bit more with Tina then hopped out of the car, and sauntered back to the main area.
Hmmmm, that was one peppy puppy. I wouldn't mind adding one to my garage...

Warren was nowhere to be seen. He said he had gone off to have lunch before leaving me at the CTS-V line, so he was
probably at the Café Tent still. I headed that way and stopped to investigate a Cadillac STS.
The CTS is cool, but it's a teeny bit cozy, so I wondered if the same was true of its bigger sister, the STS.
And I was disappointed to discover that, yes, the STS has an even cozier cockpit than the CTS. How can that be?!?
It's a bigger, wider car! Somebody's doing something wrong at Cadillac Central!
As I sat in the too-small cockpit of said STS, I spied through the windshield the Warrenite headed my way.
So I waited for him to get close, and then I HONKED at him! Har! I kill me!
We still had time before we had to get in line for the Hummer H2, so we went off to the Trucks tent.
My buddy wanted to give the Chevy SSR a whirl. Can't blame him, it's a fun toy.
As he stood in line, I hopped aboard a Chevy Silverado 1500 Hybrid just to see how different a big hybrid
pick-up truck felt from a normal big pick-up truck. And the answer is: not a whole heck of a lot!
The difference is probably more apparent at the gas pump.
I rejoined Warren and we got into a bright yellow SSR. He drove, I shotgunned. He didn't floor the gas. I was disappointed.
The SSR's got a big whammer under the hood, and I don't mean the Right Hand Of Doom! It's a 6-liter V-freakin-8! Oh well.
My friend has had this one particular problem with almost all the cars he drove at ASIM that day:
the window sill was too high. He had the window rolled down but he couldn't put his arm on the window sill.
It was uncomfortable and his arm kept wanting to slide back in the car. Must be his dwarfish physique.
Or the car designers are making cars with window sill that are too high for all but the taller people.
Anyway, he had the same problem in the SSR.

We drove around the course and returned to the staging area. I think my friend liked the Pontiac Vibe better.
Matter of fact, on our way towards the Hummer H2 Tent, we noticed that nobody was in line for the Vibes, so we each
claimed one and went around the course one more time. And you know what? The Vibe's cockpit was big enough for me.
I could definitely live with having one of these in my garage. It's really a wonderful versatile car.
(So buy one now! Go to your Pontiac dealer and tell him you want a Vibe! Conform! Marry! Reproduce! Psi-Corps is your friend!)
We then headed to the Hummer H2 tent and began the longish wait. This was the final event.
The place closed at 5pm, and the line for the H2 closed at 4:30pm, so we showed up precisely at 4:25pm.
Eventually, we clambered aboard a black H2, and Warren took the wheel. I sat in the back. The ASIM guy was shotgun.
They didn't have the side-hill to drive sideways on this time, which was disappointing. It's fun to drive at 45 degrees
on the roll axis. They had the big potholes and the normal hill: 45 degrees straight up, then straight down.
Still, it was mild fun. We returned to the staging area, played Chinese Fire Drill (I took the wheel) and went again.
Driving the H2, I noted in a previous ASIM report, is like driving a nimble bunker. The feeling is reinforced by the
fact that every surface seems to be either parallel or perpendicular to the ground. Nothing is sloped.
Everything is at right angles. If this vehicle was ever brought into the world of Cthulhu and H.P. Lovecraft,
the driver would run the very real danger of having those right-angle hellhounds appear right inside the flippin' truck!!

And then, it was all over. We shuffled off to the Entrance Tent, now turned into the Exit Tent. We each filled out a little
form and got a shopping bag with stuff in it, mostly brochures plus a size-XL t-shirt I would give to my sibling, as always.
My leg was starting to hurt from all the walking, so we took our time on the way out.
We got into the Warrenmobile and headed South, toward Gar(bage)den Grove and Rick's Café Terrestrienne for a party.
We spent the evening and some of the night there, hanging out, talking, watching DVDs.
They were showing "Léon (The Professional)" director's cut, so I got to see all the wonderful and hilarious extra scenes.
Some nimrod put on "The Stuntman" next, eventhough noone seemed to have for it, and it was roundly ignored.
Finally, someone put in "Alien VS Predator" instead, which everyone watched, and some lights were even turned off.
It wasn't too bad, really. It wasn't too good either. It could have been a lot better.
And then, "The Day After Tomorrow" was put on, and boy, did it make AVP's script look brilliant!
I mean, Roland Emmerich, holy crap! I have not seen such a predictable script in a long-long time!
Everything was painfully by-the-numbers, it was just, just...
Warren and I left probably 20 minutes after the movie started, because it was already 1:30am.
He dropped me off at home, and went home himself.
All in all, it was a pretty good day.

Is You Is Or Is You Ain't Mah Babay?

(Taken from IMDB.com)

'Domino' Blasted by Bounty Hunter

Keira Knightley's new movie Domino has been slammed by real-life bounty hunter Domino Harvey for falsely portraying her sexuality in the film.
The $57 million drama is inspired by Harvey, who abandoned a lucrative career on the London catwalk to
chase some of the world's dangerous criminals for the Celes King Bail Bonds Agency in Los Angeles.
But the 33-year-old former British model is furious she has been depicted as a heterosexual when in
reality she is a proud lesbian, and has blasted producers New Line Cinema for not giving her the right to
approve the script before shooting started. A source says, "Domino sees it as an insult that the producers
are selling it as her life story, when they are completely overlooking what she regards as a pretty basic
part of her life. She feels they have stolen her life from her and made it into the women that they want
her to be rather than the woman she is. She thinks it's ironic that so much of the publicity the film has
attracted has been based on it's raunchy sex scenes."



Domino is my brother's ex-girlfriend.
No, really.
And if you know my brother, you can't be surprized.

I find this all intensely amusing.

Correction to previous entry.

Okay, okay, apparently, I didn't quite make myself clear in the previous entry.
Upon rereading it, I can see where there could be some misconception.

For the record, my brother did not turn Domino into a lesbian.
She already was one.
She had (and might still have) bisexual tendencies.

I can't believe what I'm posting...