The Ultimator

[zrath]

Okay, so over on perlandria's LJ, there was a movie quote meme, and people beat me to most of the ones I
recognized, so the only one left for me to identify was from "Mystery Men" ("you might wanna put on some shorts...").
And I happened to mention that I had a "Mystery Men" dream once.
And Perlandria was interested in hearing it, but it exceeds LJ's reply limit of 4,300 characters.
So I'm posting it here instead.

Okay, here goes!
I had this dream in 2000, soon after seeing the movie on DVD.

I'm in a bookstore and I need to reach a Mammoth-style ski resort. Apparently, the only way to get there is through this
bookstore, which is linear and stretches all the way to the top of the mountain the resort is on! So I start walking.
Apparently, I walk pretty fast, because I get to the end and emerge outside in the snow.
The snow is never seen again after this. The action takes place in a bazaar-style mall, then in a city at night.
The Big Bad Guy is planning an attack on this place.
I’m a "SuperZero" (low-grade superhero). My name is "The Ultimator". Aside from being 6'6" and heavyset (just like in
real-life), I have no powers. Just my special weapon: a heavily-modified Aviva Sports Ultimator rocket launcher.
This is the real-life Ultimator. It's 4 feet long. I own 3 of these things, with spare rockets.
The Ultimator in the dream is made of metal and the rockets are hard rubber. My basic tactic is to shoot the rockets at
criminals to knock them down, then to beat them senseless with the Ultimator itself. It seems to work well. :-)
Anyway, other "SuperZeroes" are here too. They heard about the attack through the 2-way wristwatch radios we all carry.
I don't remember any of their names and/or powers unfortunately.

Dream Tangent Alert!
While wandering around the bazaar, looking for bad guys, I come across a pet shop stall. The pets (mostly dogs) look a bit
strange, so I take a closer look. One of the pets looks kind of like a young lion cub, but when I got closer, I saw that
his muzzle was more pointed and kind of wolfish. The dog next to him starts speaking. I know something is definitely wrong
then. I think it's saying "help me". This freaks me out seriously. I then realize that all the pets are little human kids.
For a minute there, I think I'm seeing some sort of weird variation on the "bad kids turned into donkeys then being sold off
as beasts of burden" schtick from "Pinochio". Just then, a woman appears and explains that she's a school teacher and that
the pets are in fact her students, and they're doing a performance art thing about slavery and pets. I am pretty irked by
this, since I don’t consider owning a pet tantamount to slavery. I also resent her forcing the kids into this.
(I know where this comes from. It's a delayed response to a Furcom message thread about pets/slavery from a month prior.)

The Bad Guy attacks!!!
The bad Guy himself is not seen, he sends a caravan of henchmen-filled vehicles, most of them Hummer derivatives.
Each car is filled with a specific type of henchmen. One of them is full of guys with big noses, dressed in Arabian palace
guard outfits, complete with scimitars. They all look the same, like they were clones or something. Another car is full of
bespectacled scientists in bad maharadja outfits. Their power has to do with rain and lightning. They can create and
direct rain clouds, small ones. And another Hummer is full of midgets with bazookas! Yikes!
One of the bad guys’ vehicle is alive. It looks like a flat yellow metal turtle thing, with wheels where the feet would be,
and a human, though cartoony, head sticking out the front (though recessed and protected by the vehicle. Think tank driver’s
head sticking out of the driver’s hatch.) The guy-car seems to have been coerced into helping out the Bad Guy.

The Bad Guy's henchmen's first act is to derail an airliner. No, really.
Apparently, in this universe, getting a jet airliner to take off involves a land-train-type ramp racing toward the aircraft
while the aircraft itself is racing toward the ramp. When the two meet, I guess the plane drives up the ramp and becomes
airborne. I didn’t get to see it, since the land-train-ramp was "derailed". (Eventhough there were no rails and the vehicle
was driving on a highway, the resulting crash looked like a derailment more than anything else!)
The land-train-ramp gets derailed by one of the bad guys’ Hummers smacking into the front of it. That Hummer is a huge
electromagnet and this somehow makes the front of the land-train-ramp fall over on its side, with the rest of the vehicle
following suit (like I said, derailment). I don’t remember what happened to the aircraft, which resembled the
aerospaceliner from "The Fifth Element". It probably drove past the derailed ramp then eventually braked to a halt.
Just as the SuperZeroes are about to swing into action, my dog Elvis wakes me up.
The end.

Comments

[bigevilogre.livejournal.com]

Hmmm, interesting dream! My favorites are usually nightmares.

[thatdonoguy.livejournal.com]

Hmmm, I dreamed of Jeanene Gerafilo once, but I don't think THAT counts!

[mr-squiddle.livejournal.com]

"And I am -- The Spanker, former headmaster of an exclusive private prep school, wrenched from my position for administering excessive corporal punishment."

*whap* *whap* *whap*
"Ow!" "Ow!" "Ow!"