Whole lotta Netflixing goin' on!

Boop-dee-doo boop-dee-doo...

Hi there and what up?
Happy belated St. Patty's Day to my alcoholic friends!
I celebrated by picking up a Smirnoff Ice and a Smirnoff Ie Triple Black at the local 7-11.
Smirnoff Ice tastes like boozy Squirt! Perfect for me!
I plan to investigate some of the flavored Bacardi rums next.
Meanwhile...

Netflixing!
Nausicaa Of The Valley Of The Wind: with Patrick Stewart (Lord Yupa!), Uma Thurman and other good voice actors.
I saw this movie in Japanese with no subtitles back in 1986 at a C/FO meeting, and it made an impact on me.
I had not seen it since. I was a little worried that it wouldn't hold up, but my fears were for naught.
There's a couple of things I found vaguely annoying, like Lord Yupa's giant animated mustache-beard.
Patrick Stewart joked that he had to beard-synch his lines. Also, some of the character design is outdated.
However, Nausicaa herself is just the way I remember her: a girly girl who can kick your ass.
And I still want her glider.
If you've never seen this one, you have to! You must! Rent it today!
King Arthur: starring that guy with the wacky name and that Keira Knightley girl (she's barely 20!).
That one turned out to be better than I expected. It's a more realistic take on the whole Arthur thing, with him and the
Knights of the Round Table being foreigners subjugated by the Roman Empire and assigned to keep the Woads (native English
people) from slaughtering the Roman citizens and their slaves. Then the Saxons show up and all hell breaks loose!
The Saxons are so fuckin' metal! And the Woads look like druidic commandos or something. Nice body paint though.
So yeah, it's not bad. If you're in the mood for some horseriding, sword-clashing action, and incredible moral rectitude
(on the part of Arthur), the Kzin says "check it out".

Mystic River: starring Seannnnn Pennnnnnn, Timmmmm Robbbbins and Kevinnnnn Baconnnnn.
I don't ever want to see this movie again. It's good, but it's fucked up. Not as fucked up as "Requiem For A Dream".
Nothing is that fucked up, except maybe "Pink Floyd's The Wall". Directed by Grandpa Eastwood, yeah-yeah-yeah.
Take your fuckin' second Oscar and go gome, and give Martin Scorsese a fuckin' chance, you asshole.
(Yeah, I wanted "The Aviator" to net Marty his first Oscar, preferably for directing)
This is a movie about how one wrong move in one's childhood can mess you and your friends up for life.
It's a whodunnit. It's a painful whodunnit filled with angst and human drama. It's well done. I hate it.

Ladder 49: starring Emperor Whiny-Pants, aka Joaquim Phoenix, and everybody's favorite Scientologist, John Travolta.
There's really not much to say about this movie. It's almost the life story of the main character, a fireman.
It's not like "Backdraft", which was basically a whodunnit. This movie could almost be a documentary.
Rent it if you like firemen and want to see what it's like being one.

Man On Fire: starring mah man Denzel and a little girl who's gonna get a whole lotta work, Dakota Fanning.
The more I look at Denzel Washington, the more I see Sidney Poitier. It's uncanny.
In this one, he plays a sad bear who, at the advice of best pal Christopher Walken, takes on a bodyguarding job for a
semi-wealthy couple in Mexico City. Their little girl tries to be friends with him, but he pushes her off. He drinks a lot,
probably to try to forget the horrible things he's done in his previous 16 years of military and counter-insurgency work.
That's why he's so cheap as a bodyguard. But the little girl gets through anyway and they become good pals.
One day, she's kidnapped by professional kidnappers (happens a lot in Central and South America) and Denzel gets shot up.
You know what that means: it's clobberin' time!!
This is actually a remake of 1987 film that starred Scott Glenn, Joe Pesci, Danny Aiello and Jonathan Pryce.
Even though both movies are based on the same novel, they're different. The 1987 film was set in Italy, and the Mafia
was behind the kidnapping. In this new version, it's Mexico City and a kidnapping ring. I think I like the new one better,
because the setting shows something a lot of people in the US might not be aware of, these daily kidnappings of wealthy people.
Directed by Tony Scott, of "Top Gun" fame. Music by Trent Reznor, GMS, and a ton of other artists.
Good solid thriller. Two and a half hours long. Rated R for some serious nastiness.

The Big Bounce: starring funny face Owen Wilson, Gordon Freeman, I'm sorry Morgan Freeman, and Babe #2356425.
Ah yes, another fine Elmore Leonard novel makes it to the big screen. And I can see why. Elmore writes funny, sassy
noir-style stuff that works well on celluloid. And this one gets the added bonus of being set in Hawaii, on the North Shore.
Plenty of surfing and babes in bikini. And this is also a remake of sorts. There was a movie based on the same novel made
in 1967, starring Ryan O'Neal and Lee Grant, but it was played straight, without any of the trademark humor. It bombed.
This new one has the humor for sure. Actually, the whole movie is pretty lighthearted.
If you're in a mood for some gorgeous scenery (and not just the girls), some petty thievery, and a little black humor,
you could do a lot worse than this one!

Collateral: starring the Cruise-ster and Jamie Foxx (who was so good as Ray Charles in "Ray").
Cruise plays a torpedo, I mean a hitman, who's in L.A. for just long enough to bust a cap on 5 people. Foxx is the lucky
stiff who winds up driving him around in his hack, I mean cab. Film noir!! Directed by Michael Mann with his usual flair.
This is one killer ride from start to finish. Cruise is actually kind of a nice guy, except for the fact that he has to kill
people for a living. There's a good chemistry between him and Foxx, they play off each other pretty well.
Rated R for cap-busting, adult themes, and harsh language. This is a good one!!

The Last Samurai: starring the Cruise-ster, again, and Ken Watanabe (the samurai's samurai).
I have saved the best for last. This movie blew me away. It is incredibly well-made, well-cast, and beautiful to behold.
The scenery is incredible, the script is tight as a drum, the players all know their roles and their lines.
Cruise's character is a veteran cavalryman who gets volunteered to train the new Japanese Army. The biggest threat to said
army is an uprising of samurais who want to keep the traditional Bushido way alive in face of the sudden Westernization of
their homeland (and frankly, who can blame them? Can't people just be a little more middle of the road? It doesn't have to
be all or nothing! How about half of this and half of that? But I digress...). Naturally, the not-ready-for-combat army is
sent by Commander Asshole to kick samurai butt and get their asses ended to them. Tom fights really well and gets his ass
captured. I guess Ken likes him, 'cause he takes him to his village waaaaay up in da mountains.
Now, Tom spent most of his time in the US Cavalry fighting Indian and he grew to be disgusted of it, especially after
Commander Asshole (yeah, same guy!) ordered a whole village slaughtered, just for kicks. So now, he's having flashbacks
because this whole Japanese Army versus Samurai thing seems eerily familiar. Plus, he really likes what he's seeing of
Bushido. Discipline, honor, duty, integrity, tradition, all things that true warriors aspire to.
I'm not gonna say anymore. Rent this movie and see it. You will not regret it.