zrath

There was no work today!
Nobody went to the office!
Why?
Because we had a mandatory offsite event at a paintball field.
So we all went there directly instead of going to the office.
I was pretty excited because I had never gone painbtalling before.

So this morning, I woke bright and early, and put on clothing I was willing to sacrifice to paintballs.
I didn't have any old pants, so I wore old shorts instead. I was concerned they would not offer enough
protection from whizzing paintballs. I had a quicky breakfast and my daily dose of chondroitin.
I packed a couple of different caps to wear, an Amp'd Mobile bandana, ski gloves, Gatorade, water,
painkillers, complete directions to the paintball field and the post-paintball party, a complete
change of clothes, a towel (always have a towel!), a vest with lots of pockets, and a big plastic bag.
I hit the road at 9am and went straight up the 405. Traffic was good until we hit Skirball Center,
then it just stopped. Just like that. For 2 minutes. Then it gradually picked up again.
I merged with the 5 and kept going North. The place was far away and hard to find.
It lay beyond Magic Mountain, where the 5's Northbound and Southbound sections are physically separated.
I missed the exit and had to keep going up the mountain until the next exit, 5 miles away, to turn
around and come back. I took the correct exit and started following the road leading to the field.
The road went from 6 lanes to 2 lanes and twisted all over the place like a Mulholland Drive wannabe.
I drove and I drove and I drove and eventually I saw a teeny lil' sign that said "Paintball - 1 mile".
After more driving, I saw a slightly larger sign that said "Paintball". I looked real hard and saw
a small 1-lane asphalt road meandering down the hill toward the Southbound portion of the 5.
Wow, what the hell? I started down the little road and followed it. It led into a narrow tunnel under
the freeway. That little tunnel gave me pause. Having seen too many movies, I was half-expecting that,
should I enter this tunnel, doors would come down on either side, trapping me inside while pumped-in
gas would put me to sleep. I would wake up later, naked, with my truck and all my possessions gone.
I drove into and out of the little tunnel. Nothing happened.
I followed the little road some more and suddenly spotted the paintball field, downhill from me.
It was three cargo containers, 2 portapotties, a bunch of picnic tables and awnings, and 5 different
paintball playing areas. That's it. Talk about roughing it!

Half the studio was there already, and the rest trickled in after I arrived.
We had the whole place to ourselves, and there was 30 of us. 2 people failed to show.
We got issued facemasks, two reloading tubes with holster, a gun, and lotsa paintballs.
A few colleagues brought their own guns and reloading tubes. Some were dressed in full camouflage.
One even wore a military helmet!
I got suited up the best way I could think of. After realizing that the facemask interfered with the
baseball cap and security hat I had brought, I decided to use the bandana as a head covering in
addition to its original role as a sweatband for my forehead. The Amp'd Mobile bandanas, being full
rodeo regulation size, are actually larger than normal and go around the biggest of heads. :)
I put the vest over my long-sleeved Big Dogs t-shirt, and tried on the gloves. They were big black
fleece-lined ski gloves, and I made sure I could still work the trigger and the safety. Excellent.
Later, I ditched the vest as it turned out to be pretty useless, and warm.
The referee went over the safety protocols and rules of the field, then we hit the battlefield.
Wow, paintball guns are totally not accurate. Mine kept pulling to the left.
Also, the farther away you are, the less likely the paintball will rupture on contact.
I had a bunch of paintballs just bounce off me without breaking. I was told this is normal.
Since I'm not in great shape, I decided to hang back and provide cover fire for my teammates.
That actually worked pretty well. I still moved forward, and usually was one of the last ones "killed".
A few colleagues commented I was a "freakin' tank" and hard to kill. :)
The terrain was hilly, so I got quite a workout.
I opted out of one game because the field was at the bottom of a long, steep and scary dirt path with
unstable soil. No way in hell was I going to risk losing my footing and tumbling down that nightmare.

We broke for lunch after that (Domino's pizzas which were suprisingly not completely disgusting) then
had some team-building discussion and exercises. After that, we paintballed some more in a smaller field.
That's when the paintballs started hurting more. :P
I played 3 rounds then opted out due to exhaustion. I went to my truck and grabbed Gatorade and water.
After emptying both bottles, I chilled out and chatted with a couple of non-paintballing colleagues.
Attendance was mandatory, but you didn't have to paintball if you didn't want to. Our resident
Japanese cat-girl didn't want to. She took this nice picture of me earlier in the day:



See how small the paintball gun looks in the Kzin's mighty grasp! :D
After being sufficiently chilled, I went back to the truck and changed clothing.
I changed everything and chucked the paintballed clothing into a big plastic bag.
The paintballers finished their last game and came off the field. One of them was covered with
paint from mask to shoes. He had brought his own gun. He had also boasted of shooting everyone
a few days before the event. Payback is... . . . . ...You know... :)
The final game had been something called "Love Fest", and everyone shot everyone else.
On the small field. I'm glad I missed out on that.
Our bepainted friend had a couple of legendary welts on himself, including one below his right ear.
I got away with a dozen small bruises and a couple of mild welts, both on my left thigh.

A colleague was hosting a post-paintball party at his house near Magic Mountain, so some of us went
there after leaving the field. It was a nice house, in a gated community. A bit Spielbergian. :)
There was snackage and drinkage and we sat around in the backyard, chatting and watching the day
turn to night. A pleasant time was had by all and some funny stories were told.

I'm going to pay for this tomorrow, in soreness. Oh boy...